Day 40. Gumdrops and Ponies.

As my job is winding down, today brought a potluck lunch at work for a going away party. My mom came down to watch the kids from about 11-5 today. Allowing me to attend the lunch and work on wrapping up more projects down at church. I have been working more than usual these past few weeks as I am trying to finish up well.

My mother is a brilliant sub. I asked her to review Roman Numerals with Cameron. Wouldn't you know it, ...my rather large clock in the classroom has Roman Numerals. She's amazing, I tell you. I missed that one completely. I was able to work with the kids for about an hour today and she finished up with them in the afternoon.

I have been so pensive lately, I am exhausting myself. I am in one of those times in life where I am learning like crazy and hopefully growing half as much. I have always known I am a people person, but I think this year I have learned how deeply my desire to love on people runs. Our lives are not always filled with gumdrops and ponies. Life is messy. Circumstances hurt you. People fail you. The trick is to roll up your sleeves and walk through it. You can't ignore reality and have deep meaningful relationships. You can't ignore reality and live a deep meaningful life. You can throw a band aid over it, but inevitably it will be ripped off.

"For as deep as you have hurt, is as wide as you can experience joy." I love that. I read that awhile back, not sure where. It stuck with me. Living with Authenticity means looking at reality. Reality isn't always pretty. Many times it hurts. However, turning your face from it, doesn't make it go away. Slow down enough to see the forest through the trees. Fix what is broken. Love who is in front of you, selflessly. Do what God asks of you, sacrificially.

I want to live a life that leaves a legacy. A life on the infamous road less traveled, I suppose. Gumdrops and ponies may or may not be a part of that.

Since homeschooling has come in to my life, I sit everyday for several hours and am forced to look at reality. My reality right now lies in the eyes of my children. I am reminded of what an awesome responsibility parenting is. I am reminded of how often I have put my home, my kids, and even at times, my husband on the back burner. It is never intentional, but happens all too easily. I may just put a jar of gumdrops on the corner of my desk to remind me.

There are just 130 school days left until summer.

Expedit.

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Ikea's greatest invention. Check it out on their website. These shelves come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and combinations. I purchased this 8 cube, white shelf for just $50 off Craigs. I store all the quiet things and other resources for the kids in it. The First cube has 3 magazine holders, labeled one for each child. The kids store "seat work" in these. I found this great how to draw book at Costco for about $8.00. The older two kids, each have a sketch book to fill with drawings. They also have the writing prompts and vocab journals from Lakeshore. Brooklyn, our puppy, apparently needed to be photographed as well....More cubes tomorrow!

Day 39. Just Do It.

I have started unpacking the Christmas stuff in the garage. A Christmas tree has already made its way into the classroom. I usually unpack everything and then bring it inside. It usually takes me a week or so to get through the whole process. I really want to have the house done by thanksgiving day this year, so I can sit and enjoy the decorations all day.

I usually love it, but this year as I started opening the boxes, I was forced into a huge reflection time. If you would have told me this time last year that next year "you will be homeschooling your kids and you will have quit your job"...I absolutely would have had you committed.

I am an avid after Christmas clearance shopper. I buy everything for the next Christmas when the things are on such good sales. So, as I started opening box after box...I found gifts for the kids school teachers, and the office ladies at BCS. I then found the gifts I had purchased for my co workers. Next box brought the gifts I had purchased for the leads in my different ministry areas.....finally, came a bunch of table linens and decor that I had bought for some holiday party I would be throwing at work. Great stuff, and I paid very little for it. Unfortunately, the kids have no teachers other than me, I have no co-workers, and I won't be throwing any Christmas parties at work. Very weird.

Life can change in a heart beat. We had three friends pass away unexpectedly this past year. Two were in their early thirties with small children and wives left behind. Both died with absolutely no warning. One playing basketball and one in his sleep. Another friend died in her sleep as well, leaving young adult daughters and a husband behind.

Time flies.

Live Each Day as if it were your last.

Embrace every moment.

These types of things are said all the time. During tragedy we may begin to embrace it. However, when life returns to normal, we quickly tend to forget. I am not usually one for New Years Resolutions, but I will make a resolution now. With new determination I will let go of the things that bring me down, the things I can't change, and the pain I have experienced in the past. I want to live each day making every bit of good happen that I can. Find the place where God wants you to be and be there, with every fiber of your being. No matter what the cost. Just Do it.

This morning I woke up and took the kids to Noah's bagels for breakfast. Pumpkin bagels with cream cheese. Um YUM! We came home and did school. It's getting very "routine" now. I must sit down and throw in some excitement...for my sanity and the kids. I have been working really hard on getting my work wrapped up and in good shape for the new girl, this past month. I have just 4 more days of work however, and then I will have lots of free time. Now there are just 131 school days left until summer.

Chill Time.

Chill time started in my house years ago. I don't remember when or how it got it's name, but it is an almost everyday happening in our world. I think it is actually more for me, then the kids. When the older two started outgrowing their nap time, I made up a quiet toy bucket that they could take on their bed for chill time. Now as they are 9 and almost 11, I don't make them sit on their bed anymore. However, they are to be in their room and not come out unless they are bleeding or throwing up. That's the actual rule.

Emma still naps for me. Hooray. She usually sleeps 1.5-2 hours each day. So, the kids have chill time while she is napping. When I started the school year this year, I did school sometimes in the afternoon and put Emma to bed in her "nap spot". Yeah, that's outlawed now. After just a short time homeschooling the inevitable claustrophobia has set in. I HAVE to have some down time each day. It's a must. So chill time/nap time is sacred. My hope for 2010 is I can join a great gym in town. It's $100 a month for me and the kids. However, that includes childcare, child classes like b-ball and cheerleading, and sanity for me. We shall see.......

Day 38. Goin' Old School.

I am still on a high from this past weekend. I developed and direct a worship driven children's performing arts program at our church. We run about 12 weeks out of the year and then perform a 15 min spot in "big church". While the performance is amazingly fun to watch, the whole process of getting there, is my love. Each of these kids are so unique and amazing. Even at such a young age, they have such a heart for God. To have a chance to be involved in their little lives on any level is honestly such a privilege to me.

I wish the parents and people at church could somehow see and experience all the moments we have leading up to performance. From the kid who came in to the program completely unengaged and then ended up helping the four year olds find their way on stage with all the gentleness a young man could muster, to the four year old who thanked God during our prayer time for the man on the big boat who saved the earth, to the five year old backstage who told me we can't go out there until I teach you about light beams! These kids grow, develop skills, develop relationships with each other, and bless me beyond words. I sat and cried as I watched them this past Sunday. They rock.

We went "old school" this session complete with choir robes. Add in some hip hop dancers, drama, art, sign language, a splatter paint set, 50 adorable kids, and a video, complete with dancing pastors (the adorable man in the white shirt is my hubby) and you've got yourself a great time! With two sound checks, three performances, and four services of 1204 people this weekend...Monday morning brought a tired teacher! We got through school fine however. I, in pajamas, with a big diet coke by my side. Now there are just 132 school days left until summer.

The Pantry.

I came up with this idea, almost a year ago. It's not really all that spectacular in and of itself, but the time it saves is quite impressive. I bought these big baskets at Costco. Three for 19.99. They are kind of a paper material, so there are no sharp edges inside. They are labeled and live in my pantry. Whenver I get home from Costco or the grocery store, all snack type foods get put into individual size portions in baggies. I usually make the kids do it. I taught them to look at the serving size on the box, find the right measuring cup and have at it. This goes for goldfish, dried fruits, almonds, cashews, crackers, marshmallows anything that can go in a bag!

The amount of time it saves with packing lunches and kids grabbing a snack during the day, really really surprised me. It also is teaching the kids an appropriate size to be eating. I definitely do not want the kids to become neurotic about food and dieting. However, they should learn what a healthy amount of food is. I want them to start to own that now, instead of me constantly saying, "oh that's too much." Too many times I caught them reaching into a big box of goldfish and grabbing handfuls and mindlessly eating. No more!

This is working....

Day 37. Walk a Mile.

Today I slept in a bit as I have a ragin' cold. I hate colds. I think more than the flu. You feel absolutely awful, but not quite bad enough to stay in bed. Yuck. Emma has it too.

I was able to get the school work done with the kids today and cook lunch. Other than that, this day has been spent being as lazy as possible and just hanging around. I did accomplish giving the few people I talk to the most their own personalized ringtone on my phone. I got an iphone a few months ago and hadn't had a chance to do that yet. Not only is it fun, but its actually surprisingly useful. To know who is calling, will determine to what heroic measures I will take to get to my phone. I have just 11 more days of work left and then have a holiday week of Cameron's 11th bday, Thanksgiving, and my 15th wedding anniversary. Then of course the holiday's are upon us. A lot of things to look forward too!

I have ordered a book, "Homeschooling for Dummies". I was flipping through it the other day at Borders and it had some interesting things in it. Things that appear to be written from an advocate of Homeschool's perspective. Also, I will fully embrace the fact that when it comes to Homeschooling, I will consider myself a dummy! So, I fully intend to benefit from this piece of literature.

Homeschooling is quite the emotionally charged topic I am finding, the more involved I get with it. Not since I decided not to nurse two of my children have I been given so many unsolicited pieces of advice in all my life. I don't think education choice is a matter of right or wrong. It is a matter of what you as a parent, decide for your child. Be careful what opinions you offer up until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes, ya know? I also thought I would never be here. Not in a million years. But I am. God knows what He's doing. He made my kids and loves them more than I. He will provide and continue to guide my path.

There are just 133 school days left until summer.