Day 46. Expectations.

Expectations can drive us to greater accomplishments and greater joy. People's expectations on us can push us to accomplish bigger things, then we would have without them. The anticipation and expectations, like the days leading up to Christmas, can make ripping up those presents SO much more exciting.

However, expectations can also be dangerous. How many times have you let your joy be robbed because things did NOT turn out as you had planned. When in reality what you ended up with was fantastically wonderful, but you couldn't enjoy it because it was not what you were counting on. I am guilty of this, more times then I care to admit. As I grow older I am learning to not put expectations on everything. To let life be what it turns out to be. To let real life like messy and screaming kids, piles of laundry, black eyes on picture day not steal my joy for even a second. True living involves the whole picture. I can't control everything. I shouldn't waste time trying. The big moments in life aren't big because they are perfect, they are big because of what they fundamentally are. Christmas. Birthdays. Anniversaries. All the moments should be lived to the fullest, not controlled, or tried to be portrayed in a certain way.

Perfect example.... Our ten year anniversary. I had always "expected" I would be on a big fat trip. I have no idea why. Maybe from a t.v. commercial or something. But here is how my real life went down ...We got married on December 3rd. As a 23 year old, I thought getting married around the holidays would be super fun, all practicality out the window. Not realizing how busy that time of year would become. Five years ago, Shawn was the Worship Pastor in a church in San Jose. Together he and I, put on these huge Christmas shows each year...broadway style. Lots of dance rehearsals, drama rehearsals, choir rehearsals...you get the idea. The show we were knee deep in in 2004, was very involved. Each member of the chorus had 8 costume changes, enough said. We had nightly rehearsals and our ten year was on a Wednesday night, rehearsal night, two weeks or so before opening night.

At the same time, I had been driving a Jeep Grand Cherokee for three years. I loved it... and then it died. You guessed it....on my ten year anniversary. So with a four and five year old, and plans for more children...we broke down and purchased a mini van. My dad has lots of experience in the car industry and a very logical brain (questionable for Shawn and I), so we brought him a long. A mini van was purchased and then we took him to dinner at In and Out and rushed off to rehearsals...

Romantic trip in the bahamas? Not hardly. I never pictured that I would spend my ten year anniversary...trading in my jeep for a mini van, and eating at a fast food joint with my dad. However, I will always look back on that night with good memories. How blessed I am. What Shawn and I were involved with, with all those shows was amazing. They provided friendships and memories, that will last a lifetime. I wouldn't trade those days for anything. That's what I will remember. What we created together. That is something to celebrate and you don't need the bahamas for that.

Here we are five years later. We have had an out of the normal, incredibly emotional last six months. My fifteen year was celebrated EXACTLY how it I wanted it. No big stress...just 48 hours of reconnecting with my favorite person on this earth.

Over the three days that Shawn and I had the house to ourselves, the kids finished a day of school with my favorite sub. They also went on a field trip to a bread store. The pictures showed they had fun (and even brushed hair). They each wrote a one page report. Emma's was dictated to grandma. They learned things and came home with a loaf of white chocolate bread. De-Lish! Thanks mom!

Now there are just 124 school days left until summer.